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Brothers in an ongoing dispute

Brothers in an ongoing dispute



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Question:

- I have two children, both on the threshold of adolescence. The girl is 16 years old, the boy is 14 years old. It is contested daily from everything, no matter how trivial the subject, I start a controversy that takes immediate effect, I am a referee. I cannot take one side and the other to set it aside. How can I help them in resolving the conflict?

Answer:

As you say, you cannot take the part of one child at the expense of the other. This is also not indicated because choosing one device child transforms the other into an "aggressor" and you will be regarded as belonging to the other "camps". At the same time, even if one of them comes to you "hurt" by his brother's words or deeds, do not hide him under your wing because you only create a precedent.

As you say, you cannot take the part of one child at the expense of the other. This is also not indicated because choosing one device child transforms the other into an "aggressor" and you will be regarded as belonging to the other "camps". At the same time, even if one of them comes to you "hurt" by his brother's words or deeds, do not hide him under your wing because you only create a precedent.
First of all, identify the nature of the real problems between them, bypassing the "nothing" they have to share daily and encourage a negotiation between them for overcoming them. Each, it is desirable, to impose its own rules, limits for the other, and to assume responsibility for the violation of the rights of the other.

In any case, do not force them to behave beautifully with each other, because they will only do it formally, for a few days, after which the "show" starts again. They alone must negotiate their rights, responsibilities and consequences of their actions.
If the negotiation does not work, you can adopt a paradoxical attitude: encourage quarrel between them! Yes, it may sound weird, but by encouraging it you can surprise them and thus distract the attention from the dispute itself. Encourage them to quarrel in writing, to quarrel changing from 5 to 5 minutes (after the clock) location in the house, or only within a certain period of time. All these ways of encouraging strife, apparently, will only open their eyes to the absurdity of the situation and then to ease the conflict.
Good luck!
Clara Monica Christmas,
psychologist - Clinica Psihosolutions.
www.psihosolutions.ro