Adolescence. Useful guide for parents!
Have you successfully overcome all the challenges of the role of mother and the delicate moments in your child's life: breastfeeding at night, fever in two years and the emotions of the first day of school? Your child is now a teenager and a new difficult time awaits you. The adolescent years are characterized by an intense growth and development, not only physically, but also emotionally and intellectually.
It is normal to feel confused or outdated during this period. The good news is that there are solutions to all the problems that you and your child may encounter. Despite the concept of some adults, who consider adolescents difficult personalities, they often show optimism and energy, they are very thoughtful and idealistic, emphasizing what is honest and fair.
Leaving aside the conflicts that can arise between you and the child, the teenage years are a time when you can help him shape his personality, to become a remarkable person.
Adolescence must be properly understood
Adolescence begins in some children earlier, in others a little later, depending on their level of physical development. What you need to remember is that every teenager is different. Some develop early, others have growth near the age of majority. There are also children who develop slowly but steadily.
It is important to differentiate between the period of puberty, when the sexual characteristics begin to develop, and the teenage years themselves. The common conception is that puberty means the development of the breasts and the appearance of the menstrual cycle in girls, respectively the hair on the face and in the intimate area in boys. These are just some of the physical changes characteristic of the age. However, there are other physical changes, less visible from the outside and starting from the age of 8 and continuing until the age of 14.
In early adolescence, the child may experience dramatic changes in attitude toward parents. She is the age when she begins to separate from mother and father and become independent. He is becoming more and more aware of how he is perceived by others, especially other teenagers, and is desperately trying to integrate. This explains why a teenager attaches more importance to the opinions expressed by colleagues and friends, to the detriment of your opinion and your life partner.
The adolescent feels the need to try different looks and "identities" and becomes extremely aware of the differences between him and other children of his age. This can trigger periods of stress and conflict with parents.
Adolescence can give you a headache
One of the most common adolescent stereotypes is rebellious attitude and wild behavior. The adolescent is wrongly perceived as a child in constant conflict with parents. It is true that some children can give their parents big headaches because of sudden emotional changes, but this is not a general rule.
The main purpose of the adolescent is to gain independence. He will gradually move away from his parents, especially the one closest to him. This can leave the feeling that the teenager is always in conflict with the parent or that he no longer wants to be around him, as he used to.
As he matures, he will begin to develop his abstract and rational thinking and to form his own moral code. If before you used to comply with your words and always do your best, you may be surprised to find that you no longer want to control it. He will abruptly state his views and will rebel when you try to impose your authority.
As a parent, you need to give your child enough personal space and not exaggerate the desire for control. Listen to him and give him the opportunity to express his own opinions and form his own tastes.
10 tips for parents of teenagers
If you need a "map" to help you get through the teenage years, here are some useful tips:
Read specialty books and remember your own adolescence. You may have also struggled with acne or the feeling of embarrassment of early or delayed development. Expect changes in attitude on the part of your child and prepare emotionally for possible conflicts of opinion. When you know what to expect, you face problems easier. And the more you know, the better you will be prepared.
Talk to your child ahead of time
Don't be embarrassed to talk to your daughter about menstruation or your son about sleeping ejaculation. Every adolescent needs to be informed in advance about the physical changes they are going to go through and the differences that appear between boys and girls.
But be careful: do not fill your memory with information, answer only questions. If you do not know the answer to a problem, you can always call a trusted person to explain to them what they need to know.
You know your child best. You can hear it when making jokes about sex or when it starts to show increased interest in personal appearance. Take the moment to ask her a few questions:
- Have you noticed any changes related to your body?
- Do you have any new feelings, weird?
- Do you sometimes feel sad and don't know why?
The physical examination performed by the pediatrician is another good time to open the conversation. The doctor can inform you about the changes to be expected in the coming years. At home, you can resume the topic with it and you can clarify other aspects. The longer you wait, the more likely you are that the teenager will form a wrong opinion or feel ashamed or scared of the physical and emotional changes he is going through.
On the contrary, a discussion before these changes will take place will help your child remain open to conversation throughout adolescence. Give her informative materials about adolescence and share her memories about this period. The fact that mom and dad went through what he is going through will help him overcome the moment much easier.
Put yourself in his place
Empathize with your child, help him understand that it is normal to be a little worried. There is nothing wrong if sometimes as a big man and in the immediate moment, as a child.
Choose the right battle
If your daughter wants to dye her hair, do her black manicure and wear silky clothes, think twice before objecting. In adolescence, children tend to shock their parents. It is better to let your son or daughter do something temporary, as long as it is harmless. Keep your arguments against smoking, drugs and alcohol or any changes that can permanently affect their physique.
Ask your child why he wants to dress or look a certain way and what he feels when he does. Also discuss how others will look at you, if they look different. Help him understand how he will be perceived.
Set realistic expectations
The expectations you have from your adolescent child can make you unhappy. He understands, however, that you love him and that is why you want him to take good grades in school, to behave politely and to respect the rules of the house. When your expectations are set properly, the teenager will most likely meet your requirements. If you ask him too much, he may feel that you do not love him.
Inform him correctly
Adolescence is a period of experimentation and may include risky behaviors. Do not avoid discussions about sex, drugs and alcohol. An open conversation will help you to act responsibly when appropriate. Share your values and argue why some things are good and others are not. Meet his friends and their parents. It always keeps the communication open, to ensure a safe environment for teenagers.
Recognizes alarm signals
If dramatic changes in behavior occur or the attention of a specialist is needed. Here are what alarm signals you should recognize:
- excessively weakened or fattened;
- sleeping disorders;
- rapid and drastic changes in the child's personality;
- sudden change of friends;
- absent from hours;
- bad grades;
- discussions about suicide;
- signs that they would smoke, drink alcohol or drug;
- problems with the law.
Any other inappropriate behavior, extended over a period of more than 6 weeks, can indicate serious problems. When a 13- and 14-year-old begins to take very poor grades, you should seek the advice of a doctor, therapist or school counselor.
Respect her privacy
Some parents mistakenly believe that everything the child does is their job. To help him become a responsible adult and able to handle himself, in any situation, you must give him privacy. Let him talk on the phone in his room, without disturbing you. Don't control their emails, sms or journal. Only intervene if you notice certain alarm signals.
Of course you have to know where he is going and with whom and at what time he will return. But you don't need to know all the details. And don't even expect to be invited to the party. Give her confidence and show her that you trust what she does. But be firm if it violates your confidence and limits your outings in the city with your friends, until they correct their behavior.
Check what you watch and read
When it comes to the Internet and TV, do not be afraid to interview. The time spent in front of the computer or game console should be limited. Respecting the sleep routine is very important, if you want to avoid problems with waking up in the morning or other disorders associated with the inappropriate use of media.
In addition, you have a duty to protect your child from the dangers that hang over the internet.
Establish appropriate rules
An adolescent needs 8-9 hours of sleep per night. Encourage him to respect his bedtime, especially during the week. On weekends, you can spend half an hour extra, as a reward for observing your sleep routine.
Don't be offended if you don't want to spend all your time with yourself. Often, the adolescent feels the need to remain alone in order to enjoy intimacy.
"Will everything ever end?"
It is a question that many parents think about. Don't worry, as your child gets older, he will become an independent, responsible and communicative young man.
Is your child a teenager? What problems did you face? We look forward to your comments in the comments section below!
On the same topic:
The three stages of adolescence
Pre-adolescent child behavior and how to cope with it
4 tips to give your child in adolescence
What should your little girl know about menstruation?
4 common problems in adolescent children
Tags Adolescent children Adolescent behavior Adolescent sex Communication adolescent Adolescence Middle adolescence Late adolescence Early adolescence