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The mother-baby relationship is delayed. Reasons and solutions

The mother-baby relationship is delayed. Reasons and solutions


The newborn is always placed on the mother's chest for skin-to-skin contact immediately after birth. It is said that then takes place the most important connection between mother and baby, which will last a lifetime. In some cases, however, this special connection does not appear immediately, even the one between the mother-father-baby being one that leaves to be desired in the hours and even the days after his birth. Why is this happening?

What does the relationship between parent and baby immediately mean after birth?

This connection refers to that special, unconditional attachment that forms between the parent and the newborn baby. There is already a connection between the mother and fetus from the womb (first strokes, ultrasound ultrasound, etc.).

), which is often shared by the father through the special moments he spends with the "belly" in pregnancy. After birth, this connection deepens and deepens.

Why sometimes parent-baby bonding does not occur immediately after birth?

In most cases, this attachment is spontaneous and occurs immediately after the baby has been removed from the mother's tummy. However, there are statistics that attest that in about 20% of the cases the new parents do not feel any attachment or special connection with the newborn in the first hours after birth.

In many cases, the fresh mother may face confused feelings about the newborn child: she may seem ugly, she may not recognize him as her (many mothers figure out a certain physiognomy of their baby long before to be born).

There are several causes of this lack of postpartum affection of the parents, especially the mother. Some of them are directly related to the birth and its process.

  • Caesarean section could be a cause by the fact that immediately after birth, the baby is not placed on the breast of the mother immediately and that special connection that all specialists proclaim is not created;

  • if the baby is born prematurely, there is a risk that the mother-baby relationship may not develop immediately, because the latter is taken to the neonatal intensive care room where she receives special care related to a premature baby;

  • if you adopt a baby (both he and newborn) it is very difficult to establish that unique relationship between mother and child immediately, for reasons easy to understand;

  • postnatal depression that can be developed by the new mother represents a barrier in the creation of the mother-baby bond at birth;

  • the pains and exhaustion that occurred during childbirth (especially if we talk about a long labor can make this connection difficult.

Other causes that make it difficult to form an attachment immediately after birth for the baby are due to the relationship between the two parents themselves, as well as the personal emotional and medical history of each one:

  • a childhood in which a positive parenting model was missing;

  • a medical history of depression or mental problems;

  • social isolation;

  • a previous loss of pregnancy;

  • the loss of a child;

  • strong emotional stress;

  • marital problems.

When should you have problems?

This lack of attachment after the birth of the child is only a temporary situation, say the specialists. Women often face more problems than they should, though normal, in this regard. You don't have to feel guilty about feeling like "you don't love your baby." There is a slight reaction of rejection and rejection of the child and caused by its appearance when it first appears in the world. Newborns are often eggplants, have a dark skin color and many other features not exactly aesthetic given by living in the mother's womb.

It's just a temporary situation that will pass as you spend more time with it.

In some cases, a simple grief of the baby in the mother's arms can trigger that avalanche of affection that they did not immediately feel after birth. A simple gesture, a bump, a certain movement triggers in the state of the mother that unique mother-baby connection.

If months pass and you feel that you have not been able to establish a connection with your baby, it is best to call a pediatrician immediately. It will analyze the situation and find out if this problem arises on a psychological background or if it is another cause.

Tags The mother-baby relationship birth The absence of the mother-baby relationship